|
Preface: Human behavior is infinitely complex. The overview below speaks
in generalities that apply to many but not all abusers.
Concealing
Abuse: Many if not most chronic abusers, regardless of age, color or creed
become relatively skilled at concealing their abuse of others.
They often methodically and persistently:
- Rewrite history: be it in their dairies, letters to
relatives or a conversation.
They consistently let others know that
you, the victim are:
- No good, selfish, a liar, paranoid, greedy, have emotional
problems, do terrible things, are a manipulator, and every other
disparaging idea anyone can conceive.
If the abuser follows this protocol of labeling you over an
extended period of time, an image of you as the bad person becomes
indelible. If not challenged early, will lead to your being
progressively isolated and further labeled.
- Use of Pre-emption
Use of pre-emptive labeling. For
example
- The abuser may call your new boss, MD, minister, professor,
teacher before you meet them, and paint an image of you to the
other party that will keep you from getting help, making a
friend, getting a job, being identified as an abused person,
etc.
Use of pre-emptive medical or psychological treatment. For
example
- Associating Mental Problems With The Abuse
"What must God think of you for telling Aunt Mary those
terrible stories that I molested you? You know that's not
true, I never touched you, you're mentally ill and imagine
these terrible things. You need help". The abuser then
takes the abused to a Psychiatrist for help. One recovering
abuse victim states
Pretty soon the victim, especially the very young, may
come to believe that they are in fact imagining these
things.
- The abuser may make an appointment for you with a counselor
and tell the counselor before you meet them that you are
"paranoid", have had "psychological treatment" and that you tell
people that others are trying to hurt you. While it may not be
true, if the person who paints that picture has authority over
you, such as a parent, mate, or employer, the lie is generally
believed and unfortunately rarely questioned.
- When you see the counselor, the counselor has pre judged you
and if you do say your abuser is doing bad things to you, it
full fills the counselors expectations. You are obviously
paranoid.
Pre-emptive alibis and excuses for the abusers own behavior
- "Mother said she had no choice but to use the belt until I
was black and blue, then lock me in the closet. After all,
according to her, 'I deserved it'.
Her friends and sisters had heard for years that I was
'uncontrollable'. When I went to my Aunt's house shaking and
crying, I was scolded, told that if I would behave, I wouldn't
have problems with my mother, then sent home." *
Use of Disinformation
- Psychological Control Of The Abused
Use Isolation & Threats of, or Actual; Commitment
- Abusers typically isolate their victims. They know the less
social contact the victim has, the greater the probability they
will not be exposed.
- Friends are made unwelcome or told the abused has personal
problems, a disease, doesn't feel well, etc.
- Busy work is required to minimize free time. The
abused is forced to study, encouraged to do solitary tasks, sent
to their room, etc.
- One abused person reported that after being raped, she went
to the police, who because of her fathers position in the small
community, didn't believe her but did call the father. The
next day she was committed to a private hospital by her parents
where the psychiatrist tried to convince her she imagined these
experiences and she would be well and could go home only when
she assured the doctor, that the events never happened. Labeled
'a mental patient' in her own community she eventually moved to
another town and had a rather normal life for some 52 years. A
not an untypical story.
Culture Fear In Their Victims
- Fear applied over a long period of time can cripple the
victim for life. The act of abuse frightens the abused
person and the continuing threat of more abuse, if one
talks, etc., frightens the abused as much if not more than
the original abuse.
- The fear often prevents the abused person from going for
help and combined with the premptive techniques above the
fear ofter prevents the abused from discussing the abuse
when the opportunity presents itself, such as with a
minister or counselor.
Social And Peer Pressure
- As noted above in the 'rewriting history' paragraph,
abusers demean the abused to their friends, relatives and
anyone who will listen.
Subsequently they may often threaten the abused by
telling them that their relative or friend says they are a
liar, and so on and noting that "So I asked Aunt Mary to
tell me if you tell her any wild stories". The abused person
now believes that if he or she mention the abuse, the
relative (1) will think less of them (liar) and (2) word
will get back to the abuser.
Often the process of demeaning is done while the abused
person is present
"John is a bad child, he's always lying and telling
stories and Bill and I can't seem to get him to stop. His
teachers tell me the same thing."
Needless to say the abused person's self concept is
slowly destroyed by these techniques.
The concealment of abuse by the abuser depends on others for its
success. If you notice someone who repeatedly demeans a child or a
loved one, you may want to look a little closer to see if abuse is
involved. If it is you need to report the abuser.
|
Charles Dickens was abused. His stories portray England in the 1800's as
a country in which abuse was rampant.
His most famous and somewhat auto biographical novel associated with
abuse was
David Copperfield written by Charles Dickens in 1849.
Here he tells of child abuse, domestic violence,
child labor, school peers and teachers, homeless children, and young
love.
In 1869, the year before his death, Charles Dickens looked back on a
lifetime of literary works and singled out David Copperfield
as his "favorite child." "Of all my books," he wrote, "I like this
the best."
Related Websites:
1) David
Copperfield Turner Learning, Inc.
2)
David
Copperfield from Barron's BookNotes
3)
David Copperfield from PBS
4)
David Copperfield from Turner Learning, Inc.
-
|
