Preface: Human behavior is infinitely complex. The overview below speaks in generalities that apply to many but not all abusers.

Concealing Abuse: Many if not most chronic abusers, regardless of age, color or creed become relatively skilled at concealing their abuse of others.  

They often methodically and persistently:

• Rewrite history: be it in their dairies, letters to relatives or a conversation.

  They consistently let others know that you, the victim are:
   

  • No good, selfish, a liar, paranoid, greedy, have emotional problems, do terrible things, are a manipulator, and every other disparaging idea anyone can conceive.

  If the abuser follows this protocol of labeling you over an extended period of time, an image of you as the bad person becomes indelible.  If not challenged early, will lead to your being progressively isolated and further labeled.
   

• Use of Pre-emption

  Use of pre-emptive labeling. For example
   

  • The abuser may call your new boss, MD, minister, professor, teacher before you meet them, and paint an image of you to the other party that will keep you from getting help, making a friend, getting a job, being identified as an abused person, etc.

  Use of pre-emptive medical or psychological treatment. For example
   

  • Associating Mental Problems With The Abuse

  "What must God think of you for telling Aunt Mary those terrible stories that I molested you? You know that's not true, I never touched you, you're mentally ill and imagine these terrible things. You need help".  The abuser then takes the abused to a Psychiatrist for help. One recovering abuse victim states

  Pretty soon the victim, especially the very young, may come to believe that they are in fact imagining these things.

   

  • The abuser may make an appointment for you with a counselor and tell the counselor before you meet them that you are "paranoid", have had "psychological treatment" and that you tell people that others are trying to hurt you. While it may not be true, if the person who paints that picture has authority over you, such as a parent, mate, or employer, the lie is generally believed and unfortunately rarely questioned.
     
  • When you see the counselor, the counselor has pre judged you and if you do say your abuser is doing bad things to you, it full fills the counselors expectations. You are obviously paranoid. 

  Pre-emptive alibis and excuses for the abusers own behavior
   

  • "Mother said she had no choice but to use the belt until I was black and blue, then lock me in the closet. After all, according to her, 'I deserved it'.

    Her friends and sisters had heard for years that I was 'uncontrollable'. When I went to my Aunt's house shaking and crying, I was scolded, told that if I would behave, I wouldn't have problems with my mother, then sent home." *

Use of Disinformation

• Psychological Control Of The Abused

Use Isolation & Threats of, or Actual; Commitment

• Abusers typically isolate their victims. They know the less social contact the victim has, the greater the probability they will not be exposed.
   
• Friends are made unwelcome or told the abused has personal problems, a disease, doesn't feel well, etc.
• Busy work is required to minimize free time.  The abused is forced to study, encouraged to do solitary tasks, sent to their room, etc.
   
• One abused person reported that after being raped, she went to the police, who because of her fathers position in the small community, didn't believe her but did call the father.  The next day she was committed to a private hospital by her parents where the psychiatrist tried to convince her she imagined these experiences and she would be well and could go home only when she assured the doctor, that the events never happened. Labeled 'a mental patient' in her own community she eventually moved to another town and had a rather normal life for some 52 years. A not an untypical story.

Culture Fear In Their Victims

• Fear applied over a long period of time can cripple the victim for life.  The act of abuse frightens the abused person and the continuing threat of more abuse, if one talks, etc., frightens the abused as much if not more than the original abuse.
   
• The fear often prevents the abused person from going for help and combined with the premptive techniques above the fear ofter prevents the abused from discussing the abuse when the opportunity presents itself, such as with a minister or counselor.

Social And Peer Pressure

• As noted above in the 'rewriting history' paragraph, abusers demean the abused to their friends, relatives and anyone who will listen.

Subsequently they may often threaten the abused by telling them that their relative or friend says they are a liar, and so on and noting that "So I asked Aunt Mary to tell me if you tell her any wild stories". The abused person now believes that if he or she mention the abuse, the relative (1) will think less of them (liar) and (2) word will get back to the abuser.

Often the process of demeaning is done while the abused person is present

"John is a bad child, he's always lying and telling stories and Bill and I can't seem to get him to stop. His teachers tell me the same thing."

Needless to say the abused person's self concept is slowly destroyed by these techniques.

The concealment of abuse by the abuser depends on others for its success. If you notice someone who repeatedly demeans a child or a loved one, you may want to look a little closer to see if abuse is involved. If it is you need to report the abuser.

Charles Dickens was abused. His stories portray England in the 1800's as a country in which abuse was rampant.

His most famous and somewhat auto biographical novel associated with abuse was David Copperfield  written by Charles Dickens in 1849.
 

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